The Pentacles on living a self-compassionate life
Self-compassion isn’t a feeling, it’s a practice.
I think clinical psychologist Julie Smith describes it beautifully in her book ‘Why has nobody told me this before?’. She wrote:
‘‘Self-compassion is being the voice that you most need to hear, one that will give you the strength to pull yourself back up rather than drive you further into the ground. It is a voice of honesty, encouragement, support and kindness. It is the nurturing voice that dusts you off and looks you directly in the eye, telling you to go back out there and have another go. It is the parent, the coach, the personal cheerleader.’’
Practicing self-compassion is choosing to meet each moment fully, to meet it as a friend. And who better to ask for some tips on that than The Pentacles suit? So, here are 14 different in-roads to living a more self-compassionate life.
Ace of Pentacles
You're not supposed to already feel 100% of the time 100% of the person you (think/hope you) would near the end of your healing or creative process.
It’s so, so normal to be at, let's say, 25% confidence & 75% wrestling with self-doubt and old beliefs, when such a process is still ongoing.
Treat yourself like a seed.
👉🏻 What kind of metaphorical sunlight, water, or other nutrient does seed-you need to feel safe, nurtured and empowered - but not rushed - to grow?
Two of Pentacles
Most of the time, we’re juggling more than we might be aware of, and often our first reaction to our one hand (energetically speaking) being so full, is filling the other with even more stuff to do and be. That’s just how our minds think they’ll get back some control (aka safety).
👉🏻 So, instead of doing that, how can you utilize one hand to support the other? Is there some space to be held for everything this growth or healing process is evoking within your emotional world? Are there things you can practically change up a bit so the load gets a little lighter to carry?
Three of Pentacles
A bud already holds the whole flower. Maybe, in a certain process or area of your life, you’re not a flower in full bloom yet. That’s totally fine. Please try to cherish the bud, for it will become that flower you’re longing for – just not if you only focus on what isn’t there yet.
👉🏻 Acknowledge and appreciate where you are and the small steps you’re taking, that’s how you’ll get where you long to go.
Four of Pentacles
Repeat after me: I am the gatekeeper of my own energy. I am with me. I commit to myself. I am a good enough person. I am on my side.
👉🏻 What would you do if you let your next action arise from the energetic experience of ‘‘I am with me’’?
Five of Pentacles
In life, we continuously leave ourselves and come back again. It's part of the human experience. Faced with hardship, our first reaction often is to disconnect from ourselves and the present moment, which, unwittingly, doubles our feelings of unsafety – the last thing we need when we’re suffering.
👉🏻 When this happens: Place a hand on your heart and say to yourself: ‘‘I love you & I'm here with you’’. This simple practice will help you come back to yourself, and with that, expand your perspective again, allowing you to see things you didn’t before – among them probably your most aligned next step.
Six of Pentacles
Filling your own cup is not about filling it until you have just enough to be able to keep on giving. It’s about filling it until it overflows. The whole cup itself is the energy you need to keep yourself sane and healthy - and happy. Only the overflow is what’s actually extra, what’s there for others to enjoy.
👉🏻 Try to give yourself a little more than what you think you need. Grant yourself stillness, softness, space, and let it serve as a kind of cushion placed against your limits, so you come into contact with them a little earlier, but also in a gentler way.
Seven of Pentacles
Be here now.
👉🏻 In what ways are you living in the future right now? Can you visualize those hopes, worries or fears for the future and imagine a line in between those possible situations and yourself? When you do, it’s time to use those lines to, in your imagination, walk, rappel, slide back to yourself. Then bring in those lines, or let them dissolve, to fully return to the here and now.
Eight of Pentacles
You are not lost, you are redirecting.
You are not a failure, you are learning.
You are not behind, you are preparing.
👉🏻 Whatever you’re experiencing, it’s part of your route, of the path that belongs to you. Trust it. You’re not falling behind or going backwards, you’re not on the wrong path, it’s all part of the only path there is: yours. Whatever you do, you’re always on your way.
Nine of Pentacles
Anytime you’re strengthening your internal sense of safety, growing your self-connection and self-empowerment, you’re storing fat in your hump like a dromedary. For a moment in which you don’t protect your boundaries as well as you’d hoped, for when you forget how much your needs and opinions matter.
Each time you do protect your inner peace, instead of the outer peace, you store this fatty self-protection and self-trust.
👉🏻 Just know this: Nothing bad happens when you intent to be there for yourself and you don’t succeed; it doesn’t ruin all the good stuff that’s already there, you just don’t grow any extra in that moment – that’s all.
Ten of Pentacles
Observe your conversations. Which parts of your personality get to be in the foreground and which parts get pushed to the background? (There is nothing wrong with this - we all do it.)
Try to be curious and collect all these different sides of yourself as puzzle pieces to discover what your whole self actually looks like.
👉🏻 What would happen if you started each day, each conversation, each experience with the intention of bringing your whole self into it? Just with this intention you grow your self-connection big time.
Page of Pentacles
Who are you still trying to prove yourself to?
It doesn’t matter if you’ve actually met this person, if you still see this person, if this person is alive, if this person does not exist of if this person is you. We’re all continuously trying to be that good girl/boy/kid we one day thought we had to be in order for us to be safe, loved, seen, protected and/or appreciated.
👉🏻 The moment you know in whose eyes you’re trying to be as perfect as possible, you’ve already created some distance between that image and who you really are.
Knight of Pentacles
👉🏻 Slow down. Just, slow down. Do one thing at a time. Breathe for a moment without doing anything else. Hold some space in between tasks in which you do nothing and do not actively use your brain.
Our normal is to go, go, go. 🚀 To get things done, to move on to the next thing, use our time as efficiently as possible, to find answers, make plans, know what are next steps are - and the next ten too if at all possible. This is the world we live in, and the response of our brains to that world.
Slowing down is scary, but also so helpful. Because in those mindful moments, after you take that breath, there’s room for clarity, confidence and calm to come and find you.
Queen of Pentacles
Repeat after me:
The earth is here to carry my body. My body is here to carry me. I can carry this.
👉🏻 2 ways to let your body help you to ground, soothe and support yourself:
Do a body scan, with your hands. So instead of scanning it with your mind, let your hands rest for a moment on every part of your body.
Sit or lay down and focus on the parts of your body touching the ground or couch or bed or chair and try to feel into how it is all carrying you. Try to surrender to it and let yourself be held for a moment.
King of Pentacles
You can focus on trying to control things that are completely out of your control (like the weather) or focus on the things that you’re actually able to control (like the clothes you wear in response to the weather).
The former will make you feel like a failure (because you’ll end up ‘‘failing’’ 99% of the time), the latter helps you feel grounded and capable (because you’ll ‘‘succeed’’ a lot more often).
👉🏻 The situation (the weather) is the same, you just didn’t try to control the thing that’s out of your control – which is everything except how you respond to what is. Stop trying to manage what’s out of your control. This is how you grow your sense of self-efficacy.